This article is very useful! One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that there are a variety of factors that can go into whether I pause and check my assumptions, or maybe even arrive at the more positive assumption first. For instance, if I’m feeling generally connected to my partner, and that they usually are reliable, and they respond to most of my bids, then I am more likely to assume that the sock on the floor had escaped the laundry basket. If, on the other hand, I’m constantly having to fight to get my needs met, and I feel like my partner generally doesn’t prioritize me, then yeah, I’m going to think that they left the sock deliberately or thoughtlessly because they don’t care about me or my needs. They haven’t been demonstrating that they care about me as it is, why would the sock situation be any different? Other factors at play can be how I’m doing, if I’m well rested, not hungry, hydrated, and feeling good, then I’m also more likely to pause and check myself than in the situations where I’m tired and hungry and burned out. Oh and then I guess there’s the whole negativity bias thing…we are much more likely to see the one sock on the floor and not notice that the bed had been made, the room dusted, and the trash taken out…
This article is very useful! One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that there are a variety of factors that can go into whether I pause and check my assumptions, or maybe even arrive at the more positive assumption first. For instance, if I’m feeling generally connected to my partner, and that they usually are reliable, and they respond to most of my bids, then I am more likely to assume that the sock on the floor had escaped the laundry basket. If, on the other hand, I’m constantly having to fight to get my needs met, and I feel like my partner generally doesn’t prioritize me, then yeah, I’m going to think that they left the sock deliberately or thoughtlessly because they don’t care about me or my needs. They haven’t been demonstrating that they care about me as it is, why would the sock situation be any different? Other factors at play can be how I’m doing, if I’m well rested, not hungry, hydrated, and feeling good, then I’m also more likely to pause and check myself than in the situations where I’m tired and hungry and burned out. Oh and then I guess there’s the whole negativity bias thing…we are much more likely to see the one sock on the floor and not notice that the bed had been made, the room dusted, and the trash taken out…