This reads as so comprehensive for a topic as broad and complex as this. I love how it leaves me with accessible vocabulary to discuss these things with others, but also to help me better define my own thoughts and leanings within relationships. Thank you for putting this together. I bookmarked it and took eight screenshots. Might print it later to prevent loss of access to do massive solar flare.
I love your publication name, by the way. It’s what convinced me to click on the random note suggesting I read this. I’ll go make a similar note.
Thank you for writing the article! I'd love to know more about repairing emotional injuries, are there some more universal tips you could share like with the previous sections, or is it all case-by-case?
I feel like I could really use some more specific approach to get better at that.
Thank you so much for this incredible piece, Gretta. I read it yesterday and sent it to my partner (who never reads long form I send but I made him read this one!) It is prescient for us because we are actively seeking a couples therapist to help us through recurring issues in the five years we have been together and can’t seem to get past. This piece opened my eyes to a whole new, instructive and productive way of looking at relationships (which I so often have believed / been told have been about alignment of values - and very little else). Me and my partner both agree that we have major issues with emotional regulation and as a result of what happens during these periods of deregulation, we then have a problem with emotional repair. I would love to have more from you in terms of how we work through these issues / develop these skills. And also - to know if you would be open to taking on new clients (we are UK based). Thanks again for such an eye opening article.
Wow, this is something. I was pretty close to disagreeing with you about self knowledge being a component of the relationship, and the order you presented the elements in, but you convinced me I was totally wrong. Might say something about me that I thought otherwise!
Another thought about the skill of “Tolerating the discomfort of not knowing the answer yet while they work through the options:” this is super challenging for me. I love having things settled and sometimes even need to pretend that sorting out the path forward *is* the long term plan. But I never would have consciously collected this discomfort to examine it without reading about it. Thank you, because it should be easier to deal with now that I see it. If you have any more tips or another piece about it, I’m all ears!
I was completely fascinated all the way through and want more detail in every part of it. As other people have said, the structure part of it is making me look at all my relationships. I’m going to have to read this again. It breaks down the various complicated parts of relationship into easily understandable lumps. Thankyou Thankyou!
Oof I get that you felt self-conscious getting into this kind of stuff coming from an IT background, but you can't imagine how much all of this "sorting things into little boxes" soothes my nerdy soul
Yes! Especially the section about structure--I've been thinking about that a lot, reflecting on what foundations have been laid in past relationships and how so much of the same issues I've experienced came from not establishing certain strong foundational elements at the start.
what the fuck are you talking about. the author actually could not have written a clearer set of directions not to mention everything else to unpack in your comment
This reads as so comprehensive for a topic as broad and complex as this. I love how it leaves me with accessible vocabulary to discuss these things with others, but also to help me better define my own thoughts and leanings within relationships. Thank you for putting this together. I bookmarked it and took eight screenshots. Might print it later to prevent loss of access to do massive solar flare.
I love your publication name, by the way. It’s what convinced me to click on the random note suggesting I read this. I’ll go make a similar note.
Thank you again!
Thank you for writing the article! I'd love to know more about repairing emotional injuries, are there some more universal tips you could share like with the previous sections, or is it all case-by-case?
I feel like I could really use some more specific approach to get better at that.
Thanks for writing this! I only just found it and I want to re-read it again and reflect
Agree! This feels like a book I could read and re-read.
Thank you so much for this incredible piece, Gretta. I read it yesterday and sent it to my partner (who never reads long form I send but I made him read this one!) It is prescient for us because we are actively seeking a couples therapist to help us through recurring issues in the five years we have been together and can’t seem to get past. This piece opened my eyes to a whole new, instructive and productive way of looking at relationships (which I so often have believed / been told have been about alignment of values - and very little else). Me and my partner both agree that we have major issues with emotional regulation and as a result of what happens during these periods of deregulation, we then have a problem with emotional repair. I would love to have more from you in terms of how we work through these issues / develop these skills. And also - to know if you would be open to taking on new clients (we are UK based). Thanks again for such an eye opening article.
Wow, this is something. I was pretty close to disagreeing with you about self knowledge being a component of the relationship, and the order you presented the elements in, but you convinced me I was totally wrong. Might say something about me that I thought otherwise!
Another thought about the skill of “Tolerating the discomfort of not knowing the answer yet while they work through the options:” this is super challenging for me. I love having things settled and sometimes even need to pretend that sorting out the path forward *is* the long term plan. But I never would have consciously collected this discomfort to examine it without reading about it. Thank you, because it should be easier to deal with now that I see it. If you have any more tips or another piece about it, I’m all ears!
I was completely fascinated all the way through and want more detail in every part of it. As other people have said, the structure part of it is making me look at all my relationships. I’m going to have to read this again. It breaks down the various complicated parts of relationship into easily understandable lumps. Thankyou Thankyou!
Oof I get that you felt self-conscious getting into this kind of stuff coming from an IT background, but you can't imagine how much all of this "sorting things into little boxes" soothes my nerdy soul
Yes! Especially the section about structure--I've been thinking about that a lot, reflecting on what foundations have been laid in past relationships and how so much of the same issues I've experienced came from not establishing certain strong foundational elements at the start.
Great article. This is one I will give to my patients.
Hey Gretta,
We are a sex tech start-up 🙂 We are trying to reach you for a collaboration. Please let us know the best way to contact you.
Warm Regards
Mete
what the fuck are you talking about. the author actually could not have written a clearer set of directions not to mention everything else to unpack in your comment